When you lose your shit as a parent, there are two things you are told over and over again. One is to take time to yourself during the day, just five minutes to yourself where you can. Easier said than done but achievable. And two is to find your thing. Something that makes you happy.
Since I’ve had kids, I’ve struggled with finding my thing. I’ve existed for the kids and everything that goes with them. I’ve had conversations with health professionals that go something like this;
Dr: “You need to find something you enjoy and do it”
Me: “Hmmm, okay, do you have any ideas on what I like?”
Dr: “No, that’s something only you can answer”
Me: “I really can’t think of anything that makes me happy”
Dr: “Well what made you happy before you had children?”
Me: “Probably not really a direction we should go in”
Me: “Well most of the stuff that made me happy before I had children is illegal, and/or frowned upon when you have children. And going away for long periods of time without them probably wouldn’t win me any parenting awards. And hangovers with small people in the house aren’t fun. And…”
Dr: “It’s okay, I get the idea. Maybe you need to go away and think about it”
So I kept going away and thinking about it but kept returning empty.
Recently I thought walking was my thing. I really enjoy it. Unfortunately I killed that idea by turning it into something I had to do. Trying to find time, trying to improve on the distance and time of my last walk. It lost its appeal. I realised I like walking but just as something to do when there’s somewhere nice to walk and something to see.
I like baking but mainly for what comes out of the oven at the end. And that was the same for most of the things that I do. I enjoy them but none of them bring me the joy I’m searching for. I’d come to the conclusion that I didn’t have a thing.
I then came across a story on Facebook about a person who couldn’t find her thing either. She perused so many possibilities that she was exhausted and had given up looking. That’s when her thing appeared.
It couldn’t hurt. Stop searching and see what happens. And bugger me, I stopped looking and my thing found me!by